Money is one of the most divisive issues we face daily. Even more so than politics, parenting, or which team you root for.
No matter how carefully you try to keep money from hurting your relationships, you will meet uncomfortable situations that can have a negative impact on your family life and friendships.
Here are three common, difficult money dilemmas and ways to handle them gracefully.
Awkward budget talks with friends
Sometimes fun plans can get out of hand. For example, you agree to go to the beach with your friends next weekend. Before you know it, they decide to spend the weekend in an expensive, fancy hotel. You thought it would be a simple round trip with a home-cooked lunch on Saturday. Now you feel like the world’s biggest dork when you ask how much the trip will cost.
At the heart of this awkward situation are the mismatched expectations of you and your friends. You expect cheap fun, while they may think that expensive is better than cheap.
The only way to deal with this is to communicate as soon as plans change. If you know you can’t afford the weekend they’re thinking about, just tell your friends what you can do. There may be others in the group who feel the same way, or your friends may be able to meet you halfway. Even if you must cancel. It’s better for the relationship to cancel early in the planning process than to wait until the last minute.
Otherwise, your friends may not understand your concern. They may mistakenly think you are being difficult by canceling at the last minute. And we know that’s not the case.
Roommate money issue when rent gets missed
Living with a roommate can be a great way to pay for more housing than you could get on your own, but it also means you’re vulnerable to your roommate’s money problems.
Once your roommate (or worse, your landlord) tells you that she can’t pay her half of the rent this month, you need to figure out exactly how you’re going to deal with that issue. If you can afford to pay her share, plan to do so while getting her promissory note and repayment plan in writing. If you can’t afford to pay double, sit down with your landlord and your roommate to figure out the options to keep the roof over your head.
A one-time missed rent payment is fine (if she pays you back), but if your roommate makes a habit of it, it’s a good idea to find another place to live.
Lending money to friends
There is a reason why many people simply refuse to lend money to friends or family. It can be uncomfortable. You may find yourself silently judging every penny your friend spends while you wait for repayment. You may feel angry every time you see your friend. This isn’t how friendship should be.
So, if you’re going to lend money, it’s a very good idea to put the terms of the loan in writing before you hand over the money. That way, you both know what the expectations are. Even if you don’t have a written promissory note at the time of the loan, you can approach your friend and ask him or her to put the repayment plan in writing now. Otherwise, you can consider the loan as a gift. That way, you can just be surprised and happy when you get some of it back.
In short
Uncomfortable money situations are a fact of life. The key to dealing with them is to stay calm and make everyone’s expectations as clear as possible.
Have you ever had uncomfortable money situations? How did you deal with them?
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